THE BALLAD OF BARRY ZITO


Once upon a time in the Emerald City, that’s the blighted one across the bay without the world famous bridge but lots of World Series titles, a bright young lefty leap-frogged to the top of a world class pitching rotation. Shining brightest come playoff time he threw transcendent games against the Yanks, our second hated team behind the G-Girls.

He then went on to win a Cy Young and eventually reaped the benefits by signing one of the richest contracts ever.

Selling his mojo for money.

And Alyssa Milano’s.

Next he retreated to Marin and adopted a new age hippy persona, replete with acoustic guitar, and open mic performances. While immersed in his new lifestyle he hadn’t noticed his fastball had slowed to the speed of freeway traffic, nor that his younger teammate had supplanted him as the ace, and doubled his trophy total. When he finally realized what had happened he leaned on his man-pal, Mychael Urban, for moral support.

Which he may have to do more than ever now.

If the Giants are interested in actually winning something since moving west as they go up against Gutty Huddy, sole remaining member of the Big 3, they’d be best served leaving Barry on the bench where he belongs.

But let him bring the guitar.

UPDATE: Zito ruled out of rotation!!!

RETARD SONG-MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

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4 Responses to THE BALLAD OF BARRY ZITO

  1. hcc2007 says:

    Wow, that’s awful. Ok, I change my mind. Leave him off the roster! Anyone who sings that badly and doesn’t have the sense to shut up, doesn’t belong on the mound.

  2. mindlessssself induldgent says:

    thats not barry zito singing, fool

  3. Jacob says:

    You People are idiots

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